The Ramblings of a Wannabe Healthy Girl

I went to weigh in thi morning and my scale that I thought had needed just a battery replacement was erroring out. I didn't get to weigh in this morning but did make it to my moms this afternoon to use her scale, which is actually where I weighed in last week anyhow and the result was 183.2 - total loss of 3.8 from last Tuesday!!! Yahoo :)

I started my new job yesterday and my eating has been on point. I started my day at 6am with a portioned bowl of the new Honey Nut Cheerios Medley Crunch with a sliced banana and 1% milk. On the way to work I got a large Dunkin Donuts coffee with cream (yes, I said cream - I refuse to cut out everything) and Splenda. At about 10am I had a 90 calorie Yoplait yogurt, at noon - an apple and at 1:30ish - a nature valley granola bar package (both bars). At my PTO meeting tonight I had a slice of the chocolate chip friendship bread I brought and then just a little while ago I made myself nachos for dinner with the leftover salsa chicken I had made in the crock pot on Friday. Now it's water for the rest of the night.

I finally feel like I've got some control again. Not being in an office surrounded by other people who are bringing food in and getting take out for lunch will be great for me since as I've said before I have little to no self control.

I feel very dejected by my weekend as a whole or as I've been calling it my weak-end. I didn't try hard, I failed myself with my eating and exercising and the scale shows it. I've decided to make my weekly weigh-in on Tuesdays for now. Give myself a day to relieve some of the damage done.

I start my new job tomorrow and I felt very defeated as I tried on clothes to try to pick something to wear. Most of my stuff is too tight. Not a good feeling at all. I'm not buying new clothes so I guess I'm going to have to make this work.

I had thought about joining weight watchers but the cost is just too much for me to swallow right now. As a lower priced alternative I decided to renew my bodybugg subscription. I've had a bodybugg for quite sometime. Two and a half years maybe? I don't know. I haven't used it in at least a year and a half possibly longer. I'm hoping to use it for awhile and at least get some kind of baseline as to where my metabolism and bmr are at. I'm also hoping it will encourage me to get some more movement in. My subscription should be active tomorrow at some point and I'll be wearing my armband for the first time tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing where I'm at.

Just like about every other blog I've seen today I also am hoping this year is a fresh start for me. I'm sitting here at 23 lbs heavier than my lowest weight in memory and at closer to all my weight gained back. Woo hoo. The older I get the harder it seems to motivate to do something about this weight even though I know its a necessity. I'm angry about it. I'm angry that I threw all my hard work out the window. I'm angry that my clothes don't fit. I'm angry that this is such hard work. I know the hard work is worth it but finding the motivation to putting the work in is so hard. I need to do it, I want to do it....but I just can't find the motivation to do it. I'm starting a new job on Monday I know that it's pretty much impossible at this point but I'd love to start the job weighing under 180. I'm hoping that with some serious sodium flushing with all the water I should have been drinking all along and some healthy meal choices I can at least get close.

Also I think many of the blogs I've always followed are kind of like me in that they've run away from blogging for various reasons and I'm looking for some new blogs to follow. If anyone has any suggestions please leave me a comment. I need some inspiration and motivation.